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The betrayal of infidelity can cut so deep you may feel as though the wound will never heal. Adultery breaks trust on so many levels that when it happens the injured spouse often wonders, “How else has my partner lied to me?” It is natural to suspect that if the vow of fidelity were broken, then other vows were broken as well.

“I want my cheating spouse punished!”

Facing the end of your marriage after learning you spouse has cheated on you, can leave you craving retribution.  Often, I speak with people who want to go to court so the Judge can punish their spouse for that spouse’s infidelity. The pain of being cheated on makes it difficult to see any other solution to the problem.

This type of thinking, while valid as an emotional response to the hurt that you feel, is likely to lead you on a path to divorce that will only cause you more anguish. And to add insult to injury, you will be paying in your time, your right to privacy, and attorneys’ fees.  The costs are high because court takes a long time (think in years, not months), is public, so everyone in the courtroom gets to share in your pain, and expensive. And even if you are willing to invest in these costs, you are likely to leave the courthouse still disappointed because California is a no-fault divorce state. No-fault means there are no punishments available to right what your partner’s wrongs.

“So if going to court won’t make me feel better, what will?”

While it may seem counterintuitive at first, mediation is a much better remedy for what is ailing you when your spouse was unfaithful. In mediation, you are in a safe environment with a mediator who will help you to express your feelings in a constructive manner, so your spouse hears you, and so you hear your spouse.  At the same time, the mediator will guide you towards a resolution by helping you to reach agreements that reflect your personal values. In my mediation practice, I connect my clients with other professionals to help them transition.  Mediation is a group effort to get an unpleasant task accomplished so that you can heal and move on to the next stage of your life.

You owe it to yourself to give mediation a try before you charge down the road of battling it out in court. Mediation is not binding, so if it doesn’t work, you can march down to the courthouse and have your case heard before a Judge. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain. The first step is to schedule a Free Divorce Mediation Information Phone Call.

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