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Are you unsure how to get your spouse to divorce mediation? Don’t worry; you are not alone. Like many people in your situation, this is probably your first time getting divorced.  I am here to guide you. This article will help you talk to your spouse about divorce mediation.

Rarely does a couple reach the decision to divorce at the same time, which means when you finally speak the words out loud, your spouse is probably going to be in shock. A person in shock is in no position to be reasonable so as you can image the first time you use the “D” word is probably not the best time to discuss divorce mediation. But once your spouse has had some time to process that it is over, you have several options for bringing up the subject of divorce mediation. First, let’s discuss what to say to your spouse. Then, let’s discuss where to say it.

Convincing Your Spouse that Divorce Mediation is a Good Idea

Divorce mediation is a preferred Divorce Process for several reasons including but not limited to cost, time, closure, privacy, and fostering a co-parenting relationship. Your reasons for wanting to go through Divorce Mediation, however, may differ significantly from the reasons that your spouse will want to go through divorce mediation. So when you communicate with your spouse about divorce mediation, you need to ask yourself, “What about divorce mediation will appeal to my spouse?”

The Children

Is your spouse concerned that divorce will hurt your kids? If so, then focus on the benefits that divorce mediation offers for children. In divorce mediation, you work together to find custody arrangements that are in the children’s best interest. In divorce mediation, you make custody decisions privately, and at your pace, so you and your kids are not waiting for a Judge to rule on where your children will live and when they will live there.

Financial Issues

Is your spouse concerned about his or her financial security? Often spouses with lower earnings are convinced they will do better in court. Unfortunately, what they do not realize is that court is uncertain and expensive. Too often money spent fighting over spousal support could be spent to help the lower wage earning spouse improve job skills or to pay down bills—benefits that will often outweigh the increase or decrease in spousal support that you may get through a trial.  More importantly, mediated divorces do not mean less spousal support dollars. How much spousal support is a decision that the parties make together. Mediated divorces often end with spousal support numbers similar to what I have seen awarded in litigated cases because we evaluate the same factors that a Judge would.  The biggest difference is the time and money saved by resolving this issue in divorce mediation.


Is your spouse the type that doesn’t like conflict? He or she is not alone. Very few people, even attorneys, like conflict. Most of us prefer to hide behind proverbial walls—Judges, lawyers, emails, and phone calls—rather than directly facing our different wants and desires. Hiding your conflict behind these walls is long, painful, and costs the parties financially and emotionally. We spend so much energy, money, and time building and maintaining the walls that we leave fewer resources for finding real solutions for the actual issue in conflict.

Thankfully, Divorce Mediation brings the conflict to the light using a neutral third party (your mediator) and a code of conduct that makes it easier to put the real issues on the table and to find resolutions that are agreeable to both parties. Conflict becomes a problem to be solved. Together, we create solutions rather than fight over positions. And at the end of the process, you and your former spouse have saved money and stress. Those savings will make your transition back to single life much smoother.

Where Do I Bring Up Divorce Mediation?

Like any critical discussion, planning is essential. You want to set the stage so that you and your spouse can have a meaningful conversation about dissolving your marriage that does not turn into a heated argument. Below I have outlined several scenarios that you can use to open a discussion about Divorce Mediation.

In Therapy

If you and your spouse are in marital counseling, but you both have decided that the marriage cannot be repaired, using a therapy session to discuss the divorce options you have can be a good idea. In therapy, you are in an environment that encourages calm and constructive discussions. Your therapist is likely to be familiar with divorce mediation and therefore able to help the two of you explore the pros and cons of this option as compared to others.

Through Email

A well-written email can be a good way to introduce the subject of Divorce Mediation, to provide resources—such as a link to my eBook and website—and to give the other person a chance to consider your request before he or she has to make a response.

Set a Meeting

Scheduling a face to face meeting is another good option for discussing divorce mediation. Be sure to mention that you want to discuss the divorce. Prepare for the meeting.  Rehearse what you want to say and how you will respond to your spouse’s questions or concerns. Earlier, I discussed common fears that your spouse may have. You may want to print a copy of my ebook to help you discuss different options.

Over the Phone

Treat the phone discussion the same way you would handle an in-person meeting. You can follow the discussion with an email sharing the resources that you have found.

Have Me Contact Your Spouse

After our initial call, I can send a letter to your spouse explaining divorce mediation and inviting your spouse to call me.

The Sooner You Get Started

The sooner you will be on your way to putting an end to the uncertainty. The sooner you will start the healing process. The sooner you will know what the future holds. I understand that you are hesitant, perhaps even scared, but together we can pave a road to your future. Ready to get started? Schedule your Free Divorce Mediation Information Phone Call.

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